Accepting reality as it is

I thought for a long time about whether it was even worth writing this article. Whether it was worth putting my personal life on public display. To be honest, there aren't that many events. But they do exist. At some point, I realized: if I don't write it now, I most likely never will. So here it is.

I've understood for a while now that my recovery has turned out to be incomplete. This needs to be acknowledged directly. There is no neurodegeneration as such, and in that sense, the idea of broader exercises still makes sense. Multiple sclerosis doesn't so much knock out strength as it affects the "width of the controller." But even this acknowledgment doesn't make the situation any easier.

My life goes on. Two years ago, I moved to Belgorod. Recently, I even made a short video report — I posted it on YouTube. If you're interested in seeing how I live now, feel free to subscribe to the channel. I often talk there about neural network technologies and how they're changing life.

I got a job teaching English at a charity foundation. The decision wasn't accidental. I realized that I had almost no ways left to improve my language further. It was either move to a country where English is the main language, or start teaching it myself. Migration isn't an option right now, so I chose the second path. Now I'm teaching. They don't pay for it, which is, of course, disappointing. But I hope that over time I'll be able to fix that.

The hardest part is honestly looking at myself. My situation is undoubtedly better than that of a person who 15 years ago was bedridden with first-group disability and an EDSS of 8. But I still need to admit: to some extent, I remain disabled. To some extent, I'm still a cripple. And this is most likely something that can't be cured or "fixed" anymore. I need to adapt and live with what I have.

That's why right now I'm trying to think more about work and how to approach recovery as effectively as possible. I'm very interested in how the central nervous system actually works. How generalization is achieved. How regeneration and recovery in the CNS are even possible and why it happens exactly the way it does. These questions are more important to me now than ever before.

But here comes the biggest difficulty. All of this has to be done not in a vacuum. It has to be done within a capitalist model. The ideas need to be not just "workable," but also fit into a reality where you have to earn money. I have to juggle everything at once: caring about recovery, studying how the brain works, and the need to fit into a system that demands efficiency and monetization. This adds a huge number of problems. Sometimes it seems like it would be easier to just live without simultaneously trying to recover, earn money, and develop. But I don't have that option.

So I continue…..